


Does The Feeling Haunt You?

by booknerd90



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghosts, Moral Lessons, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 22:58:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13798107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booknerd90/pseuds/booknerd90
Summary: Rey cannot kill Kylo Ren.Kylo Ren cannot kill Rey.For the past three years, they have given one another superficial wounds everytime that they have met on the battlefield, but neither can be the one to deal the fatal blow. Who will make the sacrifice, and what will it cost them in doing so?





	Does The Feeling Haunt You?

 

***********

 

“I can’t do this anymore, Ben,” Rey managed to yell out as she swiftly moved away from another swing of his lightsaber, “...I’m tired of this endless fighting.” As she pivoted away from yet another swing, she wiped the sweat from her brow as she wondered for the thousandth time how it had all come to this moment in time.

 

Since the Battle of Crait, several years had gone by. Rey had grown into her position as the “ _Last Jedi_ ” as the resistance once again grew in numbers throughout the galaxy. She now looked stronger, healthier, and happier, and she had even begun to teach a new generation of Jedi following the death of Luke Skywalker. The only thing that concerned Rey was that she felt empty. She had begun to die on the inside little by little due to the force bond she shared with Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. Her soul was tired of the fighting, and she was sick of fighting with a man that was never going to change, and her heart had begun to ache. Their force bond had only grown stronger since the events on Crait and slowly she had begun to understand that not only did she care for the man in front of her, but she loved him deeply. 

 

In their unguarded moments together through the force bond, Kylo Ren ceased to exist and the forgotten and pushed away Ben Solo would come out of the hollow shell he had been forced into long ago. It had been three years and while Rey knew they could never be together, she knew she could never kill the man standing in front of her, even if he had his own lightsaber aimed towards her ready to strike. 

 

Kylo Ren looked at Rey closely as he stood facing her, his lightsaber gripped tightly in his leather gloves resting in a fighting stance with his lightsaber held directly in front of him. 

 

“Then stop fighting me Rey, I made you an offer and you have refused me at every turn!” He attempted and failed in getting his emotions in check, he knew it never did him any good when arguing with Rey to have a temper flare, especially when they were in the midst of a war. “I offered you a galaxy, a home, a life with me, and you turned me down to run back to your pathetic band of rebel scum! Just give up! Soon they will be wiped out and when that happens I won’t be able to protect you from what will happen.”

 

“Ben...” She said his name so softly that he almost didn’t hear fall from her lips.

 

“There is no Ben, not anymore. There hasn’t been for years.” At this point, he and Rey had begun to circle one another as they spoke, a habit that had formed over the years and over the course of their countless encounters on the battlefield. To an outsider it would look like a choreographed dance, to them, it came as natural as breathing. Kylo continued to keep his eyes on Rey as they circled, his lightsaber still gripped tightly in his hand. He wiped the sweat from his brown with his other hand before speaking again, “So…it would seem we are once again at an impasse, wouldn’t you say?”

 

Rey remained silent as she moved, always facing him, never giving him an opening to strike. 

 

He continued as they circled one another, “You can’t kill me, I can’t kill you. A battle of light versus dark that will go until one eclipse the other.”

 

Rey continued to stare at Kylo. The look in her eyes changed as he watched her. She had known for a long time that one of them would have to die in order for the other side to gain traction in the war, but that act of killing the other would likely damage the soul of the other irreparably and they would never recover. 

 

Rey knew what she needed to do. _You’ve always known, haven’t you?_ The voice in her head reverberated back. _You know what you need to do. It’s the only way to end all of this._

 

She stepped forward breaking their dance. Kylo stilled in place and stared at her. They had been at this countless times. They would spar while fighting one another, trade words, give the other some artificial wounds that would show they had battled one another, and then go back to their respective sides until the next time they would meet. It had been a tried and true method that kept them both relatively safe while never revealing that fact that they could no more kill one another then stop breathing. In the meantime, they would see one another through the force bond, something that Kylo knew after time that Snoke had had no part in creating. 

 

Kylo knew he had made mistakes in the past, but the creation of the force bond between him and Rey was the best thing that had ever happened to him because it gave him her. She had become a friend, a companion, and he hoped someday they would become something more. _If you both live through this war._ She had become his lifeline the past few years and she was one of the few reasons he was still living. He knew he was in too deep to change his ways, he could never leave the First Order especially being the Supreme Leader, and he knew he would never be welcomed into the Resistance. So he was at a point of living the life he wanted and the life he had made for himself. _If only you had made different choices. If only you had let the light in._

 

Kylo narrowed his eyes at Rey, his gaze moving up her form to rest on her face. They had made direct contact with one another and each moved closer until they were almost touching. He could feel Rey’s breath in the air between them. They just stood like that for a moment, facing one another with their eyes locked, lightsabers still ignited and resting at their sides. 

 

Rey powered down her lightsaber without breaking eye contact with Kylo. He followed quickly followed his counterpart.

 

They stood in comfortable silence for a moment. Neither said anything as they stared at one another. An eternity could have passed before them and they wouldn’t have been any wiser. Time stood still as their bond continued to hum contently in the force at their close proximity. 

 

Kylo continued to look down at Rey. He could clearly see the freckles across her nose, the way her lips parted as she breathed in and out. Before he knew it a single word fell from his lips. 

 

“Rey.” 

 

Her eyes narrowed waiting for whatever words would come next but they never did, he just continued to stare at her. _What is he doing? We’re in the middle of a war._

 

Without breaking eye contact Kylo extinguished the flame of his lightsaber and sheathed it to his side, then tentatively reached his leather covered hand up to rest on her face. Expecting Rey to flinch, he was pleasantly surprised that she remained still, if not completely stoic while she let him touch her face. 

 

Rey followed his actions and attached her lightsaber to her side without breaking away from his touch and gaze. She leaned her cheek into his touch. _This feels right._ She had yearned for this moment for years, but now that it was happening, she knew it would never occur again. She knew what she would have to do, but she would give herself this moment of normalcy and give into her desires before she did. _Why had it come to this? I tried, didn’t I?_

 

She continued to lean into his touch, closing her eyes and she let down her guard for a moment to bask in the feel of his fingers stroking her cheek lightly. She opened her eyes to find Kylo looking at her with the softest look he had ever given her. Looking at her like she was something incredibly precious and special to him, but something else could be found in those dark eyes, she knew at that moment that he cared for her. _I love him. Does he love me too?_

 

Rey opened their shared bond for the first time in weeks, and she let it flow into Kylo. They both closed their eyes as the others feelings and emotions flooded to the other like a storm. 

 

Throughout the years the pair had gotten much better at the opening and closing of the force-bond when they pleased. While they could also see one another through it, they discovered they could read the others emotions as well over time. For this reason, they kept it closed whenever they faced one another in battle, as they didn’t need the heightened sense of what the other felt to distract them while their lives were at risk.

 

Kylo felt her warmth, her agony, her love. _She loves me._ He felt how she yearned for his touch, how she had tried to deny how she felt about him since the events that ultimately led to their continued conflict and the demise of Snoke. He also felt her resolve and sadness that stemmed from caring for him and her responsibilities to her side of the war. Finally, he felt the conflict that was tearing her apart from the inside out. 

 

Rey felt his warmth, his agony, his love. _He loves me._ She felt how unhappy he was and that he felt his only resolve was to continue this cycle of fighting and violence until she and/or The Resistance bowed to his whims. She felt how she had begun to work her way into his heart through their conversations and exchanges but he felt he was unlovable and nothing could come of it. She felt the guilt he carried as he tried to deal with the damage he caused with the destruction that seemed to follow wherever he went.

 

Rey breathed in and tried to understand everything she felt through their bond. He had opened himself up to her enough to reveal that he cared for her, that he _loved_ her. Her path became crystal clear as she closed the bond off again. 

 

Kylo’s eyes snapped open the moment she closed off the bond, bringing him back to a harsh reality and he quickly dropped his hand from her face. 

 

A quiet whisper left her lips like a prayer, “Ben," as she leaned up to place a kiss on his lips. 

 

Kylo stood rigid for a moment before realizing Rey was kissing him after all this time. He hadn’t even processed that she had called him Ben, the only thing he could focus on was her and her actions. As he responded to her, he felt her arms come up around his sides in order to tug him closer. Without breaking the kiss he brought his arms back up to her face, cradling her head lightly as they poured all the emotions that they had held back for years into the kiss. 

 

To one it signaled a beginning. 

 

To one it signaled an end. 

 

Rey had moved her arms around Kylo in order to tug him closer to her body. As she did so, she found his lightsaber attached to his side and in a single movement unsheathed it and tossed it to the side, as far away from them as she could. Kylo felt the movement and immediately stilled, breaking his lips from Rey’s he looked down and watched her as she unwound her arms from his body and stepped back, a determined look in her eyes.

 

Kyle stepped forward, confusion marring his features. “Rey...what are you doing?” 

 

Neither spoke for a moment. Kylo made no attempt to bring his lightsaber back into his hand. He just continued to stare at the woman who moments ago had responded so willingly to his touch. 

 

“What I have to do.” Rey grabbed her lightsaber and in a single motion turned in on, the power from it radiating between them in an instant.

 

Kylo remained still as she powered it on, making no attempt to defend himself. _If this is the end, I’m glad I had those moments with her._ If this was to be his penance for a lifetime of sin, he was ready to die by her hand.

 

“Then do it,” the words tumbled from his lips as though it pained him to physically speak them. “Kill me. End this once and for all.” Kylo kneeled on the ground, lowering his eyes as he waited for his executioner to swing their sword true. 

 

Rey continued to gaze at him as her lightsaber illuminated his features. She knew this had to end, but what would killing him do?

 

Silence descended upon the pair as Rey made a decision. She took a deep breath before directing a question to the man in front of her. 

 

“Do you love me?” 

 

Kylo was silent for a moment before raising his eyes to the woman in front of him. _If this is my last moment, my last with her, I suppose I owe her an honest answer._

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you regret killing your father?”

 

He breathed in deeply before answering, a flicker of pain and regret spreading across his features for a brief moment. “Yes…”

 

“Would you die for me?”

 

Rey was staring at him with the softest look he had ever seen from her. She looked insecure, scared, and powerful all at the same time. Kylo continued making eye contact with her as several emotions played out on his face in a period of seconds. 

 

Fear.

 

Anger.

 

Sadness. 

 

Absolution. 

 

Love. 

 

Penance. 

 

“Yes…,” he sighed “I would die if it meant you would live, Rey.”

 

Rey powered down her lightsaber before kneeling down on the ground in front of him. She reached out touching his cheek and whispered softly, “I love you too.” Rey then leaned her forehead against his and they both breathed in for a moment, the pair closing their eyes as they leaned against the other for support and comfort. 

 

The pair stayed like that for several minutes, wrapped in one another arms. 

 

“Ben?” Rey's voice broke the silence. 

 

He didn’t open his eyes but made a sound of acknowledgment. 

 

“I would die for you too. If it meant that you would live, I would give my life.”

 

Opening his eyes he saw Rey pull her forehead away from his and he pulled back as well following her actions. Looking at her closely he could ease the gears in her mind moving at an alarming rate.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Kylo said softly, brushing a stray hair away from her forehead.

 

“What I still have to do.” There were tears gathering in her eyes as she responded to him, his lightsaber now held tightly in her hand between them.

 

She had brought it back using the force while they were wrapped in one another arms, he had been so caught up in what had been going on that he hadn’t noticed anything was amiss. 

 

Leaning back she now held it in front of him as an offering. 

 

Kylo made no move to take it. 

 

“Rey, what—?” She continued to stare at him as she held his lightsaber in her hand. He shook his head, instead of waiting for an answer he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to his body.

 

Time stood still for a moment. At this moment they were just a man and a woman, two insignificant figures in relation to the galaxy, but significant to one another and the sides they chose in a war that they had inherited.

 

Rey placed a kiss upon his lips, leaning up to do so from their kneeled position. It ended as fast as it began, as she pulled away once he started to respond to her. He could feel moisture on his face, and looking at Rey he realized that it was due to the tears streaming down her face.

 

“I’m sorry, Ben. This is the only thing I can do to save you…” Rey rationalized as she breathed in and he nodded, having had expected this from the beginning, “...please forgive me.”

 

He closed his eyes one last time.

 

“Ben—,” Rey closed her eyes and whispered his name one last time as her hand slipped from the hilt of the saber and came to rest at her side. 

 

Suddenly, the lightsaber ignited and its red blade hummed as it pierced through flesh and bone.

 

He had felt his lightsaber ignite. He had felt the power between the two of them. He had waited and was ready for the final blow.

 

The pain never came. 

The heat never came. 

The end never came. 

 

Instead, his eyes opened to realize in horror that she had turned his lightsaber on herself, piercing her flesh with the red blade, and mortally wounding herself with a single flick of the wrist.

 

She was looking at him with such a tender look on her face before she slumped onto his chest. Her hand came up to stroke his cheek softly, almost as if to _reassure him_ that everything would be okay. He was unable to move, wrapping his arms around her in shock as he felt her life flow out of her body. 

 

He was shouting. 

He was screaming. 

He was silent.

 

He stayed like that, rocking her back and forth as her soul left her body. Holding her closely as he unleashed tears and sobs that wrecked his frame. 

 

_She’s gone._

 

_Forever._

 

She had killed herself because she could not bring herself to kill him. _Why?_

 

_Because she thought she could save me? How? By losing her? The only person who’s ever really understood me? The only one I might have had a future with?_

 

_She saw the good in me._

 

_She saw the light in me._

 

_What’s left now?_

 

The only good about Kylo Ren was Ben Solo, and he had not existed for years being pushed deep into the depths of his mind.

 

The only light about Ben Solo was Rey, and she had eradicated that light by sacrificing herself to try and bring Ben Solo back. 

 

She had failed and she had succeeded at the same time. She had brought Ben Solo back from the dark but at a terrible price.

 

As Ben Solo wept for the life and love of a woman who had sacrificed herself for him, he pried her lightsaber from her side. _Poetic justice if you think about it. She killed herself with mine lightsaber, and I shall do the same with hers._

 

With Rey still cradled in his arms, he positioned the saber against his heart and prepared to ignite the blade. _I’m coming._

 

Looking down at her still face, he moved his fingers to ignite the lightsaber. As he did so, he whispered softly to himself, “…Rey.”

 

He went to ignite the lightsaber, waited for it to pierce his hollow heart, but it never came. The lightsaber was pulled out of his grip by an invisible force, forcing him to look in the direction it flew. 

  
Standing several feet in front of him, clutching Reys’ lightsaber was the force ghost of Luke Skywalker, a look of sadness and understanding marring his aged features.

 

“Told you that I would see you around, kid.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope that didn't suck too bad. I literally haven't written fanfiction in over ten years, so let me know what you think. I have a general outline for this story - and some of you might be able to sense where it is going. Let me know what you think.


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